I have been struggling to find my parenting niche. I had hoped this would just come naturally (ha!). I read a lot of books on Christian parenting, and in case you haven't done much reading, there are a LOT of opinions on how to biblically raise your child. Which would be very helpful, if they didn't consistently appear to contradict one another. Your definition of biblical can be very different from the the next guy. So, my mind bounces around between these ideas and I end up feeling: guilty, confused, stressed, guilty, anxious, overwhelmed, and...guilty. In the span of about 30 minutes. I think I have already blown this whole parenting thing, and 'Zippy' is only 15 months old.
Zippy is a joyful and spirited child. 'Spirited' is the upbeat way of saying strong willed, stubborn, independent, determined, "don't tell me what I can't do" (yes, that was totally a LOST reference). She never stops moving and her curiosity and energy know no bounds. So depending on what book I have read that week, I respond by patiently explaining why she can't do something (met with whining and arm flapping), firmly saying no (met with a shriek and throwing of objects), yelling no (not recommended in any books, but just my patience breaking; this is always met with a massive meltdown), or redirecting her to another activity (met with any combination of the above). Of course, all of this is very normal behavior for a toddler, but I always expected compliance would be more like 75% of the time, instead of the actual 5%. It is a constant battle of wills. I hate it. It is exhausting. I struggle to choose the battles to fight, and always feel like the loser by the end. And I ask: what does God want me to do in these crazy situations? How much can I even expect from such a young child?
I took a step back today to think about God and how he disciplines me. There are many instances where I have been jolted out of my sin through a painful encounter or harsh consequence. God has given me a divine version of a kick in the pants. But more often than not, this is not how I come to repentance. These situations are rare in my daily life compared to how I usually face my sin. A message in church, the testimony of another, the wisdom of a favorite Christian author, the prompting of the Holy Spirit, truth spoken by a friend, the unmerited love and acceptance I receive from my spouse, a beautiful time of prayer when the house is still...these moments reveal my heart and reconcile me to my Heavenly Father. There is an important connection that needs to be made between how God loves and disciplines us and how we are to do the same for the children He entrusted to us. These concepts are still developing in my mind...
so I invite you all to join me in processing parenthood. I will continue to explore what this looks like, and hope you will share your own thoughts so we can learn together. The irony is, I will have this parenting thing "figured out" when my baby is leaving for college, but that's the nature of the beast. And please don't judge me. Well, you can a little, but just don't say it out loud. I need heapings of grace just as much as Zippy.
1 comment:
Olivia was very strong-willed as a toddler and I thought I was going to lose my mind. Everyone reminded me of that all the time too as if I didn't know. It was hard because she was my first and I wanted it to be so different. At age 4 she suddenly changed from very strong-willed to more compliant and sweet. Parenting is way harder than anyone can ever tell you but we are in this together and at least we know we aren't the only ones who struggle with it. Thank you for being so transparent.
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